24 Oct Do You Have What It Takes To LOVE Unconditionally?
It sounds very honorable and sexy to say you love unconditionally. I’m calling BULLSHIT though. I hope I’m wrong. I hope you really are one of the few that are truly able to do this. I admire you. It is certainly my ultimate outcome. Oh, and by the way, I’m not talking about loving one person unconditionally. I am talking about loving everyone unconditionally. That changes the game!
So what is unconditional love? Simply put, it is to love without conditions or circumstances – to love no matter what. You may be thinking that doesn’t sound very hard. Here is where it gets sticky though. When we say love without conditions or circumstances, what is implied, and important to this conversation, is that we love without judgment. It means that in every interaction we come from a place of love. And that means we treat everyone with respect. We don’t control others, and we never use someone’s vulnerability against them.
Okay, shit just got real! Oh, and if you don’t like that I’ve now cussed twice in this blog, recognize that is also judgment. We do it ALL of the time.
I’ve been in quiet contemplation, along with some active discussions in the High5 Momentum FB group (JOIN HERE), about whether it’s truly possible to live from a space of, “I love you and I accept you, even though I don’t understand you”. For me that statement embodies unconditional love. The opposite of that is, “I don’t understand you. Therefore, I don’t love you, and I don’t accept you.” This is where I see the majority of the world living. Moreso, as we see in the news every day, it’s not simply “I do not love or accept you”, it’s actually “I hate you because you think differently than I do. You want different things than I, and you do things that I don’t agree with.” This all translates to, “I am afraid because you are different from me, so I will build a wall to protect myself.” Then we look for people with walls that are similar to ours so that we can feel good about our judgments because we found others who judge the same things.
Where are others judging you? How does that feel? Where are you judging yourself? How does that feel? Where are you judging others? How does that feel? Most of us were taught to judge others, and to be afraid of people who didn’t think, act, speak or look like we did. Our teachers just passed along the stories that they were taught. All of the people we judge learned similar stories from their teachers, just with different criteria. The cycle continues.
Most of us don’t need to look any further than ourselves to see how judgmental we are. “If only I was (fill in the blank), then I would be worthy.” The only way we will ever change this is to change our stories – to connect to a deeper truth and be willing to let go of the stories that no longer benefit us.
I want you to say both of the following statements out loud to yourself, and really connect to how it feels. “I love you and I accept you, even though I don’t always understand you” versus “I don’t understand you, therefore, I don’t love you, and I certainly don’t accept you”. When you drop the stories, which statement feels more true? When you say these two statements out loud, which feels more in alignment with your heart, your gut, your soul? Does one bring you a greater sense of joy and peace? What would happen if we trusted our internal truth more than the external stories we’ve been told? How would that change your world?
Is it possible to drop our stories and create one of love and acceptance of ALL beings including ourselves? I sincerely hope so because that’s why I show up to do what I do every day. I’m not even there yet. I still make judgments of both myself and others. However, with each awareness of a judgment, I let go of the old story and turn to the new one of love and acceptance. I deserve that.
Become aware of when you are making judgments and practice coming from a place of “I love you and I accept you, even though I don’t understand you.” What changes?
PS: Next week, in part two of this three-part series, we will examine the question “Does that mean that anyone can do whatever they want and I should be OK with it”? In part three, we will look at ways to connect with those who are toughest for you to connect with.